A Free verse poem by Anonymous Love
It started in April,
Snickering behind my back.
The whispers grew louder.
I questioned why, this doesn’t make sense!
I received a quizzical look
As if they didn’t know.
Soon I was being called by a different name
Apparently the name of a model.
Although I was flattered for the compliment
I didn’t wish to let a fan of the model down
I’m not someone to pretend to be someone else
So I did the right thing
I told the truth:
Simply that I wasn’t her.
Yet they looked at my face
Not believing a word I said.
So I tried my hand at the search for this person
I charged through the internet
I wanted to see how much the person looked like me
Scared of their reaction when they found it wasn’t me
But I was determined to find the person
Yet every picture I threw at them wasn’t it
I wondered why they didn’t show me the picture
Or give me more than a first name
It was as if I were tagged in a game
And I didn’t know the rules to tag the person they were looking for
Now I’ve waited too long
The tag is permanent.
I kept trying to explain to the fans
Then in June something strange happened
I started hearing voices inside my head
No, I don’t mean that voice
I mean friends,family, even sometime animals
Asking me questions.
Making me sick.
I could feel people touching me
I told it to go away,
I yelled at it
Then I started seeing ghosts
A couple of them I’ve never met
Then it felt like my body was being controlled by someone else,
I couldn’t turn the lights off at night.
In September I remember looking at those deep watery waves
One voice helped turn me away
It sounded like someone I knew who passed away
But no one was there.
A couple of vehicles.
Someone had whispered in my ear.
I had sat there that night
Listening to the loudest thunder
I needed help…badly
Who do I turn to?
First, I went to friends,
Maybe they didn’t believe me…
I wasn’t sure
November and December had come out of nowhere
The voices in my head were still going.
And the rumor had gotten worse.
They now believed the model was under my name
I guess they hadn’t found whoever it was either.
I wasn’t getting hours for money to pay bills.
Maybe they thought since she’s the model
She doesn’t need a job.
I thought ‘well then why would I have been there in the first place!’
Either way I needed out.
I found a new job,
I had fresh hope.
No, more like false hope.
Same thing happened
Although less teasing.
No hours equaling no money coming in
They said the reason was there was no hours to give.
Not how I felt: am I just paranoid?
Or is what I’m feeling telling me something.
Again I’m trying to search for another job to pay the bills.
Now my parents are going through a divorce
Now I owe even more money.
Its almost mid February.
But it hasn’t been all bad,
There were good things…
I had a guy, but we ended it wrong.
I also have a nice car,but it needs to be payed for
I found I wanted to study animals,
I got back to something I love: bowling.
Made an appointment with a therapist, Only it’s not until March.
A new guy, thank you Cupid!
A couple more friends,
Those friends are a part of different groups
That’s awesome they have they’re own thing
And I’ve got mine.
Maybe the groups didn’t see that.
They wanted me to join.
And they are all against each other, why?
Something I want answered.
Why do these different groups care about my personal business?
Religion? Culture? Dreams? Relationships?
Why are they asking me those four questions?
It’s not their business, in my opinion.
It kept rolling over in my brain
I found the key
Believe in what you want,
move towards your dreams,
you can’t change your heritage,
and people come and go
They aren’t separate,they connect to make you who you are.
I let it all go.
Now life is coming back to me…
But it’s here.