The Truth Behind the Scenes

 A Free verse poem by Anonymous Love

It started in April,

Snickering behind my back.

The whispers grew louder.

I questioned why, this doesn’t make sense!

I received a quizzical look

As if they didn’t know.

Soon I was being called by a different name

Apparently the name of a model.

Although I was flattered for the compliment

I didn’t wish to let a fan of the model down

I’m not someone to pretend to be someone else

So I did the right thing

I told the truth:

Simply that I wasn’t her.

Yet they looked at my face

Not believing a word I said.

So I tried my hand at the search for this person

I charged through the internet

I wanted to see how much the person looked like me

Scared of their reaction when they found it wasn’t me

But I was determined to find the person

Yet every picture I threw at them wasn’t it

I wondered why they didn’t show me the picture

Or give me more than a first name

It was as if I were tagged in a game

And I didn’t know the rules to tag the person they were looking for

Now I’ve waited too long

The tag is permanent.

I kept trying to explain to the fans

Then in June something strange happened

I started hearing voices inside my head

No, I don’t mean that voice

I mean friends,family, even sometime animals

Asking me questions.

Making me sick.

I could feel people touching me

I told it to go away,

I yelled at it

Then I started seeing ghosts

A couple of them I’ve never met

Then it felt like my body was being controlled by someone else,

I couldn’t turn the lights off at night.

In September I remember looking at those deep watery waves

One voice helped turn me away

It sounded like someone I knew who passed away

But no one was there.

A couple of vehicles.

Someone had whispered in my ear.

I had sat there that night

Listening to the loudest thunder

I needed help…badly

Who do I turn to?

First, I went to friends,

Maybe they didn’t believe me…

I wasn’t sure

November and December had come out of nowhere

The voices in my head were still going.

And the rumor had gotten worse.

They now believed the model was under my name

I guess they hadn’t found whoever it was either.

I wasn’t getting hours for money to pay bills.

Maybe they thought since she’s the model

She doesn’t need a job.

I thought ‘well then why would I have been there in the first place!’

Either way I needed out.

I found a new job,

I had fresh hope.

No, more like false hope.

Same thing happened

Although less teasing.

No hours equaling no money coming in

They said the reason was there was no hours to give.

Not how I felt: am I just paranoid?

Or is what I’m feeling telling me something.

Again I’m trying to search for another job to pay the bills.

Now  my parents are going through a divorce

Now I owe even more money.

Its almost mid February.

But it hasn’t been all bad,

There were good things…

I had a guy, but we ended it wrong.

I also have a nice car,but it needs to be payed for

Or sold.

I found I wanted to study animals,

I got back to something I love: bowling.

Made an appointment with a therapist, Only it’s not until March.

A new guy, thank you Cupid!

A couple more friends,

Those friends are a part of different groups

That’s awesome they have they’re own thing

And I’ve got mine.

Maybe the groups didn’t see that.

They wanted me to join.

And they are all against each other, why?

Something I want answered.

Why do these different groups care about my personal business?

Religion? Culture? Dreams? Relationships?

Why are they asking me those four questions?

It’s not their business, in my opinion.

It kept rolling over in my brain

I found the key

Believe in what you want,

move towards your dreams,

you can’t change your heritage,

and people come and go

They aren’t separate,they connect to make you who you are.

I let it all go.

Now life is coming back to me…

Slowly…

But it’s here.

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