Where does this unhappiness, discontent, depressed, angry feeling come from? What is it and why does it plague me from time to time?
It comes from the desires and wants and wishes I have in my life. As I go through the day I think of things I want, things I don’t have, and things that I think would help me or make me happier, all in the name of good. It’s all good! I just need a new phone, a new car(well, a car) more clothes, more food, a better body, a haircut, the list goes on and on until I realize something.
I realize that I do not need any of these external things to make me happy. Sure they would be nice, but we are dealing with that enemy contentment which is a bitch because it ain’t never satisfied!
But how do I achieve happiness without buying or acquiring material things in this material world we live in? How do I go through the constant onslaught of BUY NOW! GET IT WHILE IT LASTS! LIMITED OFFER!?
The answer comes in the form of prayer. I know I know, not again right? Listen up my little kiddies, prayer is possibly the most powerful thing in this world. One reason I could use to convince the atheists, the agnostics, and the miserable is that prayer is infinite and lasts much longer than material objects. New cars get old, new phones break, new shoes get smelly and scuffed, clothes tear and stain, but prayer is untouched by the petty human attempts to use everything up until it is gone. Prayer is the one thing that can truly give me lasting happiness, not for a few weeks or months with that shiny new item.
I shall explain this point through an experience I have recently had that should destroy any doubts of prayer…well except those of you who wear reading glasses of contempt before you even investigate something…too bad for you.
Humiliation is a bitch, and is confused sometimes with humility or being humble, but whatever it is – it is not happy! To a 25 year old with no college degree, no money, and no car…daily life can be a struggle just to get through without self-pity parties or depression filled with anger and resentment of the past and where I am in life. To a 25 year old addict? These things are poison and when I say poison? I mean that shit that kills you.
Naturally I seek happiness and I look for it outside of myself, naturally I try to kill these negative feelings with something fast, easy, and instant.
But I know better than that! So I pray to the God of my UNDERSTANDING and talk to him about my problem with not having everything. I pray to God and listen to the silence. I pray for an end to this unhappiness and this discontent living. I get inspired and think it is God answering my prayer!
I apply to college, I get a job, and I make big plans for the car.
I get into college, I get the job, and I have the opportunity to get the car back! Yay, here comes happiness baby woo hoo! Wait for it…where is it? Where the fuck is my happiness? I go online and search for it, maybe it is in this porn site? No, only fleeting pleasure that leaves me deflated and not so great after it is over. I walk to the store and buy a bunch of food and eat it. Can’t have happiness on an empty stomach right? What the fuck still no happiness.
The day before I am to get the car I talk with someone very special to me and he tells me maybe you are not ready for the car. I think about it for a second and it hits me. My little lower self has been wanting and wishing for something that in truth I did not need let alone was not ready for!
“Why has not your prayer been answered? Perhaps it has. Strangely enough, it often happens that we receive an answer to our prayer and do not recognize it.
If a boy prayed for a man’s hat (because he thought it would look well on him or make him look more grown up) he would not get it; since Divine Wisdom knows that he could not wear it. He would get a good hat of the sort that would be useful to him. We often pray for things for which we are not really prepared.
But if we pray scientifically this will not matter, since Creative Intelligence will send us the thing that we really need.
Seek God for His own sake, for the joy of being with Him, and demonstrations will take care of themselves.”-EMMET FOX
A spiritual experience consists of a shift, sometimes suddenly – sometimes slowly, of consciousness/awareness(thoughts, ideas, imagination, feelings).
How so fucking beautifully fantastically spectacular that once was a hopeless, pathetic, sick, insane, humanimal named Sean can now change into a spiritual being focused on the essence of love, truth, and helping his fellow suffering friends!!!
The shift happened and boom what used to be uncommon now is common sense to me! I not just realized that the car was something I did not need and was not ready for, I expressed that realization with action, or nonaction, and decided I had just what I need…right here and now where I sit writing to you, whom I love.
A change in thought was the fact that getting what I wanted in the past led to trouble. A change in ideas was that a car would isolate me from friends and asking for help because I would be off on my own. A change in imagination resulted in pictures in my mind of what might happen if I had the car again and ended up where I was not too long ago…a dead end. A change in feelings came after these thoughts, ideas, and imaginations. The feeling was a mix of fear and love. The love I believe is God answering my prayer. I prayed for a man’s hat so I could look like I had it all together, look responsible, not less than others who had cars, and nice things.
But Divine Wisdom knew. It gave me just what I needed. Help in the form of beautiful friends, help in the form of love and another day sober, help in the form of an undeniable happiness that is still with inside of me as I write this.
I love you God.