STRENGTH

Anonymous Inmate

The saying is:

“Do your time,

Don’t let it do you.”

But imagine

Five years for something

You didn’t do.

That’s the hell

I’m going through

You don’t want to believe

What I say is true.

Regardless, I’m not sad or blue

I ask myself: “What can I do?”

Stay positive and better myself.

I’ll make it through.

prison-hands-on-cell-bars

Ever been to prison or know someone who is in there now that could use some help?

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Is That YOUR Hat

Where does this unhappiness, discontent, depressed, angry feeling come from? What is it and why does it plague me from time to time?

It comes from the desires and wants and wishes I have in my life. As I go through the day I think of things I want, things I don’t have, and things that I think would help me or make me happier, all in the name of good. It’s all good! I just need a new phone, a new car(well, a car) more clothes, more food, a better body, a haircut, the list goes on and on until I realize something.

I realize that I do not need any of these external things to make me happy. Sure they would be nice, but we are dealing with that enemy contentment which is a bitch because it ain’t never satisfied!

But how do I achieve happiness without buying or acquiring material things in this material world we live in? How do I go through the constant onslaught of BUY NOW! GET IT WHILE IT LASTS! LIMITED OFFER!?

The answer comes in the form of prayer. I know I know, not again right? Listen up my little kiddies, prayer is possibly the most powerful thing in this world. One reason I could use to convince the atheists, the agnostics, and the miserable is that prayer is infinite and lasts much longer than material objects. New cars get old, new phones break, new shoes get smelly and scuffed, clothes tear and stain, but prayer is untouched by the petty human attempts to use everything up until it is gone. Prayer is the one thing that can truly give me lasting happiness, not for a few weeks or months with that shiny new item.

I shall explain this point through an experience I have recently had that should destroy any doubts of prayer…well except those of you who wear reading glasses of contempt before you even investigate something…too bad for you.

Humiliation is a bitch, and is confused sometimes with humility or being humble, but whatever it is – it is not happy! To a 25 year old with no college degree, no money, and no car…daily life can be a struggle just to get through without self-pity parties or depression filled with anger and resentment of the past and where I am in life. To a 25 year old addict? These things are poison and when I say poison? I mean that shit that kills you.

Naturally I seek happiness and I look for it outside of myself, naturally I try to kill these negative feelings with something fast, easy, and instant.

But I know better than that! So I pray to the God of my UNDERSTANDING and talk to him about my problem with not having everything. I pray to God and listen to the silence. I pray for an end to this unhappiness and this discontent living. I get inspired and think it is God answering my prayer!

I apply to college, I get a job, and I make big plans for the car.

I get into college, I get the job, and I have the opportunity to get the car back! Yay, here comes happiness baby woo hoo! Wait for it…where is it? Where the fuck is my happiness? I go online and search for it, maybe it is in this porn site? No, only fleeting pleasure that leaves me deflated and not so great after it is over. I walk to the store and buy a bunch of food and eat it. Can’t have happiness on an empty stomach right? What the fuck still no happiness.

The day before I am to get the car I talk with someone very special to me and he tells me maybe you are not ready for the car. I think about it for a second and it hits me. My little lower self has been wanting and wishing for something that in truth I did not need let alone was not ready for!

“Why has not your prayer been answered? Perhaps it has. Strangely enough, it often happens that we receive an answer to our prayer and do not recognize it.

If a boy prayed for a man’s hat (because he thought it would look well on him or make him look more grown up) he would not get it; since Divine Wisdom knows that he could not wear it. He would get a good hat of the sort that would be useful to him. We often pray for things for which we are not really prepared.
Crazy_Hats_Funny_Demotivationals-s450x406-50652-580

But if we pray scientifically this will not matter, since Creative Intelligence will send us the thing that we really need.

Seek God for His own sake, for the joy of being with Him, and demonstrations will take care of themselves.”-EMMET FOX

A spiritual experience consists of a shift, sometimes suddenly – sometimes slowly, of consciousness/awareness(thoughts, ideas, imagination, feelings).

How so fucking beautifully fantastically spectacular that once was a hopeless, pathetic, sick, insane, humanimal named Sean can now change into a spiritual being focused on the essence of love, truth, and helping his fellow suffering friends!!!

The shift happened and boom what used to be uncommon now is common sense to me! I not just realized that the car was something I did not need and was not ready for, I expressed that realization with action, or nonaction, and decided I had just what I need…right here and now where I sit writing to you, whom I love.

A change in thought was the fact that getting what I wanted in the past led to trouble. A change in ideas was that a car would isolate me from friends and asking for help because I would be off on my own. A change in imagination resulted in pictures in my mind of what might happen if I had the car again and ended up where I was not too long ago…a dead end. A change in feelings came after these thoughts, ideas, and imaginations. The feeling was a mix of fear and love. The love I believe is God answering my prayer. I prayed for a man’s hat so I could look like I had it all together, look responsible, not less than others who had cars, and nice things.

But Divine Wisdom knew. It gave me just what I needed. Help in the form of beautiful friends, help in the form of love and another day sober, help in the form of an undeniable happiness that is still with inside of me as I write this.

I love you God.

Imagine Love

John Lennon had a great imagination. He actually gave us the key to making this world a better place. But it is just a song by one of the Beatles that will get labeled and put away in our dusty record collection in the closet, only to be used to entertain our ears when we so please.

What if John Lennon wrote that song in hopes that people would listen to it, become inspired by the awesome spirit and love within the words and sounds, and go out into the world to actualize it?

Imagine…

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for todayImagine Happyness

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say
I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say
I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will live as one.

Lennon breaks down the world to the fight to get into heaven and the fear of going to hell, countries and religions who fight to conquer and gain power, people kill and die for them, and the biggest of all – possessions – and the never ending quest for more money, more objects, and the greed that follows which breeds evil.

Wow, I mean if we were as one people that worked together…imagine how much better we would be. Much better than what we have now. Isn’t that why we get a career? To better our lives? It is the biggest lie that we believe: by helping myself, by getting what I want, by moving up to the top, by making this amount of money, by buying this or that, this will make everything great!

Imagine if we grew up and went to a school that taught a different curriculum, different from the cookie cutter mold we are made into starting at elementary school and ending in college, different like kids are actually taught how to live proper.

Why are we taught boundaries, borders, countries, separation, divide, conquer, warfare, mathematical equations that are never used in daily life, race, us versus them? What does that teach us? It teaches us to be afraid, to be cling to an identity in those history books, and fight anyone that is different. Maybe it doesn’t teach us that but it sure as hell sets it up, and it certainly doesn’t help us when we grow up and are old enough to live on our own!

I laugh at age being a gauge of maturity! I act more mature than a lot of 30, 40, 50 year olds! I am so sick and tired of being limited by such superficial, man made up bullshit such as appearance, age, race, sexual identity, so sick and tired that I nearly killed myself at the end, because I saw no hope of ever changing to make it in this crazy world!

Imagine if we went to school and we were taught love, compassion, and understanding of differences. What if we were taught how to handle abuse, violence, and drugs/alcohol that exists for so many kids in the classroom! Imagine if we were taught how to handle mental breakdowns, stress, anxiety, fear, anger in ways that actually dealt with the problem.

Imagine if this changed the world.

Imagine if we grew up in a school that made sure that each kid was able to look at his/her future separate from “standardized testing”(standardized selection), separate from SAT, separate from grades that determined whether you go to an expensive ass college or whether you stay in your hometown and get a 9-5. Imagine that kid being able to choose the direction he wanted to go in, and then the guidance counselor guiding that kid along the journey to achieving the success he/she wants.

Imagine. Imagination is dead. It is sucked out of us through these toys we are offered for a new low price, and anything original, fresh, inspired coming from gifted individuals is missed or ignored. Cries for help go unanswered because everyone is wearing headphones.

I just saw an ad on TV for the iPad. The kids were upstairs reading a script to convince their parents to buy them both an iPad and were saying it loud enough for them to hear through a vent in the floor. The parents were downstairs playing with the iPads they bought their kids and couldn’t hear them. That is exactly what is going on today. All of these toys are distractions from real life, and the more people obsess over them the more they are running from reality and facing life.

Communication is how we survive, how we connect, how we relate, how we love, how we evolve. Even if Jesus came back to life and walked the earth trying to heal the sick, give sight to the blind, and life to the dead, people would not even notice or would see it and then look down at their screen because its their move to play a stupid little game that will give them nothing but an empty feeling inside.

What can I say? I love this fucking country – “Beautiful Ideals and Amazing Flaws”

Imagine if this country was who it said it was!

Imagine getting though the day without thinking one negative thing!

Imagine living each day towards helping others at work, driving, at the checkout line, at the mall, at home, in the world!

Imagine using your imagination and working to make it reality.

I read one time that imagination is the one thing that makes us like God. We can create worlds in our minds!

Imagine if we used our imagination to be like God and create a beautiful world for our children to grow up in…wow.

“Hope springs eternal”

When I sit up late at night like I am doing right now, tired, by myself staring at this brightly lit computer screen, thinking of what to write so I can become famous…nothing comes to my mind. Nothing worth writing about at least. I have many thoughts, ideas, and stories I could write on this blog and feel good about it like “Yes Sean! You are one hell of a clever chap all right!” Fuck all that.

I want to write shit that makes people nod their heads in understanding, or in sympathy, or feel it in their hearts that this? This is the truth and I want to read more of what this guy has to say because the words spoken have a certain power that reaches beyond the superficial mask of self and deep into the soul.

Stories of Hope?

How can I reach someone with a story of hope? What can I write to inspire, to motivate, to hold someone’s heart in my hand and carry it through whatever darkness is surrounding them?

The truth is all I have is my experience. Within my experience is one vital, concrete, foundational practice that I have found to work in even the most dire and sincerely scary moments of our lives when it seems the very gates of hell are being shut on us.

Think of a time in your life, and it shouldn’t be hard to remember it, that time when you were all alone in a place that nobody could reach you. This could have been a prison cell or in your own house surrounded by family, and I am talking about falling into a dark place not even your closest loved ones could bring you back from.

I have known a few people who found themselves in this proverbial place of blind, deaf, dumb, numb, and completely delusional mind states. The blind mind state cannot see the truth right in front of them. Deaf mind state does not heed the warnings of danger or ominous foreshadowing of death or destruction because it cannot hear. Dumb is the mind that makes those decisions which lead the person into pain and misery. Numb is the mind state that is not a state anymore, just a mess…a noisy, wild, crazy mess hidden underneath  a sheet of ice.

The delusional mind state is the worst and encompasses all of these defects in a circle of insanity. The people I knew loved life, and lived it in a different way but it was full of something, everything, and on the surface it looked beautiful. But somewhere along the line something snapped, a wire burned out and caused the system to shut down, short-circuited, haywire.

It happened to me, it happened to my sister, it happened to someone I loved perhaps the first person I ever felt love for…Summer.

Hope.

Is it just a four letter word that makes people feel better or is it a power beneath the surface of this life pushing and pulling matter forward and backward and sideways along the pathway of forward progress?

Why do some people embrace the word by continuing to live? Why do some people not see it and choose to use their hands as weapons on themselves? What went wrong? Why? What drove them to that point of no return where no human power could save them?

That is it right there. No human power. The truth. The spiritual part.

London to Brighton Veteran Car Run

Doctors, pills, blood tests, psychiatrists, asylums…is there hope in these things? Hope springs for a little while, but not eternal.

No, hope is much bigger than a pill or a psych doctor. If hope were a pill it would be made in meetings, in love, in spirit, in truth, in help from strangers, from the heart…not a pharma factory or a script pad…no, from something more than human power.

I am a story of hope.

You are a story of hope. Anyone who is still alive and living each day as it comes, especially after going through trauma, evil, and death around them? God is love and the love in me recognizes the love in you. I love you. Without you I could not exist, I am here today as a true testament to the power of love, because somebody loved me I am still breathing.

If I do anything in life, it is to honor those who did not make it through the day. Who decided to give up today. Who did not have any hope, who couldn’t see the sunshine outside only darkness and pain and a quick solution to end it.

People might blame God for such horrible tragedies, but I blame no one. We all have a will and a mind that can make decisions, and if we decide to do something bad it is our choice not God pulling the puppet strings.

One story is one life, a life I used to cherish and think about all the time and want to make better with me in it…did God let her take all of her klonapin and close her eyes permanently? Did he make her do it? She was just like you or me. Full of life, hope for a bright future, a laugh that lit up the room with love…no God wasn’t there because she shut the door on God, her mother, her friends, her loved ones that had God in them and wanted to help. She shut God out of that room, that lonely, dark, cold room that offered her the comfort of a warm bed and a pill bottle.

Story of hope?

We are all stories of hope.

It is not just a word or a force. No it is who were are.

It is life.

 

Basketball Star’s Rise and Fall

Flash of White Lightnin'!

Flash of White Lightnin’!

I was born in an affluent suburb of Providence. RI. And as I grew up, I realized I had potential that others did not have. As High School came to an end, I was on top! Girls loved my personality and I became the Basketball stud that had chances to possibly it make the pros. I had many scholarship offers, but I knew I could do better.

I went to a prominent Division II college in Florida where I was the second shortest kid on the team ( 6’3″) with a 41 in. vertical leap. But, I messed up my knee and never played there again. I began meaningless jobs to pay for the ridiculous tuition. I had no one to help me financially. The next year I left the institution because my partial-scholarship was revoked due to my nonperformance on the team.

I decided to go back into the restaurant business, which I knew  well. I got stuck in it for a while, too long…

Eventually the path I took brought me deeper and deeper into the abyss.

When I finally decided that the path I was on was a path of destruction of my dreams,

I said to myself I need to fix this and lead a productive life and stop making excuses to go back to the sadness that had been part of my life for far too many years. And the cold-turkey attempt didn’t work; my body was addicted to it. I needed to go to rehab to get my body physically off of the substance. It is a tough decision to make; but I weighed the pros and cons. That made the decision clear…

I want to make you feel safe. I want to make you think you’ll be fine with ‘luck’. But addictions are always honest.

So that is what the cure has to be. I’ve been there. I’ve been helpless. I have been depressed. I have been physically sick. I have been under control of addiction. I have been at the bottom of the hole only to look up and ask the same question you have asked yourself: how do I get out?

I never have been the one to fear the challenges life presented, but I was humbled by the force that took over me. The vicious vixen that made me happy for the short term, but then sad later on. Eventually, I needed the potion to counter-act the effects of not having it in my system. I took a long look in the mirror, then I found out that the cure comes down to one simple ingredient the we all possess but don’t always choose to use:

will-power.

Will-power is in direct correlation with confidence. Confidence is a virtue that every being ever to grace this planet with their presence has had. Humans have been spoiled for centuries by the advancement of our developing brain and now have wild ideas milling around in our heads; warped expectations. Think of your life up until now. What did you expect life to be. Is it realistic? Maybe. But you’re here now, and that’s much further away than you expected.

Guns can kill people. Do you wake up each day and think of a way to get a gun and place it to your head then pull the trigger? No. Do you ever think of licking your finger and sticking it in an electrical socket? No.  Maybe jumping out of a perfectly good airplane with no parachute? No. Ever think of injecting your self with arsenic? No. Ever think what harm that your choosing to do to your self can do? What about to your family and friends? Have you ever thought: what if I never let this garbage take victory over me?

You’re not weak; that is what you don’t understand. The toughest step is the one right in front of you: today. Forget about what happened yesterday because you cannot change that, but you can change the outlook for tomorrow.

And you can do it TODAY. So, go look in the mirror, look into your eyes for that power that you have and slay your dragon. It will be a rough journey, no doubt. To be brutally honest, your actions got you here and it will be your actions that get you out. So, stop finding reasons to harbor your addiction, and start looking for reasons to oust it.

But there is a bombshell of optimism I have for you; there is a way out… YOU.

TAO is a Way of Life

Click here to listen to The Anonymous Ones Radio

To some, going to meetings is a way to get out of the house and away from the normal life of family.

Most go to meetings for the fellowship and the coffee, maybe a cigarette out back with the boys, definitely checkin’ out some new talent…wait did I say that? Yes I did, nothing more sick than a recovering junkie or drunk prick trying to use the steps and recovery as a way to pick up chicks…

Yes I have done it, and no I do not do it anymore, the difference here boys and girls is what is really SOBRIETY and CLEAN? It’s all the same thing: love and service…right? Oh that’s right I forgot…we are talking to a much wider audience and a much more diverse one…outside of AA and NA…move aside please and let anyone who is sick and suffering in.

Why hasn’t there been a new edition to the Big Book, which is basically the lifeline of AA and where NA came from. And stop with the infighting and name calling and childish bullshit please. While our friends die on the street in bathrooms and in bed, do you think their parents care whether they went to NA or AA? Go home if you judge and if you are a hypocrite we do not need you until you are ready to tell the truth and live the spiritual life.

Life is not a theory, we have to LIVE it.

Love is not a theory , we have to LIVE it.

Truth is not a theory, we have to LIVE it.

 

Click here for Anonymous Blog

All we want to express is this: join us on the broad highway to freedom. Freedom is where you are right now, this moment, not yesterday not tomorrow right now. No matter what, pray and love as much as you can.

We pray for Colleen Ritzer’s soul and her family and friends, may God be there in their hearts to heal the wound that is now bleeding. I love you.

 

 

Darkness

Anonymous Poet

 

It’s everywhere, here and there

It’s like water it takes up space, it’s everywhere

You can see through it well, yet you can’t see

Its only issue, it just won’t let you be

It’s dark, it’s silent, it’s hidden under your bed

It’s the man in the coffin, dead.

 

It’s the hatred passed from one man to another

It’s the point of view from one to the other

It’s the evil you can see in someones eyes

It’s the space that was left in the fridge

Like the special home made apple pies.

 

It’s what turned a mountain to a ridge

It’s the pain and the pleasure, as the world dies

It’s the enemy of light

It’s the fear of losing your next fight

Now I am wondering if its human kind

We are looking for our next find.

 

It’s the clothes some people wear

Showing their lack of care

I got to say they aren’t real perky

As perky as pond water can be murky

You know what reminds me of  the dark?

 

That old fight mark.

 

It’s darkness, and it’s everywhere.

Prayer for the Lost Soul

This goes out to anyone who is suffering. This is a prayer I am freestyling to God and to the powers’ unseen as a way to bring back our lost brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, partners, mothers, fathers, friends…

Thank you God for bringing me to a place in life that enables me to help others today through loving kind service to my fellow man and woman.

I love you God.

Celtic Yin Yang

Please use that love to hold the hand of my brother Escape Alive. Help him walk through the hard times he is facing tonight and bring him home safe to his family. Give him strength to overcome the mental insanity that comes with his beautiful personality. Give him courage to face whatever inner demons he has so he can see and feel the light. Give him wisdom to make the right choices tonight so that tomorrow will not be a jail cell, or a hospital bed, or a hearse.

Show him the way like you showed me the way God, all alone holding two trash bags and a crucifix outside a meth dealer house in Dorchester, and show him that LOVE is the only power.

Not violence, not hatred, not anger, not resentment, not material possessions, not social status, not sex…

Love.

For all the sick and suffering souls out there right now, I love you. God loves you, your family loves you, your friends love you…all it takes is a willingness to receive that love, open-mindedness to explore the things that block you off from that love, and honesty to keep that love.

Stay Strong, Keep Calm, and Trudge On.

Whit’s fur ye’ll no go by ye!

“What’s Meant to Happen, Will Happen” Scottish saying.

 

 

New Meeting Makes Miracles

On a long chilled night in October a gang of two…now three humans coming together for the sole purpose unlike any of the others: helping find truth in all the lies and spread love so not to hurt too many people.

Welcome to a new type of meeting where one can come and listen, even talk and get your voice heard.

We don’t care who you are, if you have something to say that you think will help other people in whatever way, just forget the bullshit and the lies and I am also talking about judgment and and defenses and who the fuck cares what you think anyways. Says the angry young soul who watches death daily from outside his little hobbit hole…poor me and frodo?

Frodo at least had a fellowship of friends who stood by each other, and not just on facebook or on the emails, not I am talking about getting together and united! Wu-tang?

Proteck the right to express this in a way that only the author can understand…since it is crazy. Yet this has an effect unlike any forms of therapy I have heard of, and know I am not alone on this.

Listen to the podcast now, and then meditate on it for a moment or two, if you know how then Namaste my brother! I am searching for fellowship and a good band of equals to keep moving forward in THE JOURNEY!

And So It Goes…Radio